Today, I had an important appointment earlier with an associate which ended up in me having to reflect on a few of my past mistakes. I had to remember times when I thought poorly of myself and times when I allowed other’s perception of me to infiltrate my own self-image. In fact, I used to swear that my stomach was huge. I may as well have been because I thought I was a house—especially, in this second photo.
Major props to the person who can figure out in which of these photos I’m a whole FIVE months pregnant. Ultimately, I had become distracted and disconnected from my values—a few of which were not built on a strong foundation since I grew up dealing with low self-esteem. I couldn’t see myself in those early years (I mean that quite literally—my eyesight was so terrible without my glasses that I actually couldn’t see my own image in the mirror and I ALWAYS had the hugest glasses that would further prevent me from seeing my actual face). So by the time most of these photos were taken, I had fallen off a cliff and into a deep valley of trying to determine who I was and wanted to become.
Perception is the reality in which we dwell—and mine was completely chopped and screwed. It took a lot of work since the birth of my daughter to rebuild a positive view of myself in a few areas. My self-determination looks like me standing in the mirror saying “Girl, you fine” or even appreciating my post-toddler girth and laughing at these photos and the audacity of myself thinking I was too big in any area (What’s even crazier is that I really believed I was well-endowed in the chest. Can you say itty-bitty?).
My prayer is that as we come down off the high of the holiday cheer and move forward into this new year, we determine how we want to perceive ourselves and constantly work toward strengthening that self-image.
Happy Day 2 of Kwanzaa!